THE LEVELLER TRACTS PROJECT

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OLD NEVVES Newly Revived.

Inquisitive

HOnest Jack Intelligencer, th’art welcom home, I woonot lose so much time to aske thee how thou do’st, because thy face has already told me thou wantst money: so do I, tis a generall want, and be fitting a Gentleman; but let that passe, tell me what newes is stirring in or neere London, newes is all that I seeke: you know my humour I hope.

Intelligencer. I doe Sir, and finde it most correspondent to your name; and because I am desirous to satisfie your humour, I leave off and abandon all superfluous salutations, and fall roundly to the matter. The first enormity the Parliament tooke into its hands, was Patents in generall.

Inquis. It was very likely that it would fall to particulars in time: but what befell those Patents?

Intell. Faith though it was in the Winter, yet the owners of them were forced to leave them off, though they hazarded going over shooes, in griefe whereof they were all utterly confounded.

Jnquis. What? all Patents, of what nature soever?

Intel. Yes, that were pretended for the common good, but aimed at particular mens profits, as the Patents for Cards, Dice, Pins, Soap, Leather, and such like were utterly damned?

Jnquis. I marry Sir, the Parliament began well, heaven blesse their proceedings: how went they forward?

Jntel. Then to particular persons. The next that was found a delinquent, was no lesse a man then the Earle of Strafford, he that set three Kingdomes at variance.

Jnquis. What, he that as he went through our Towne into Ireland, had the streets swept, and made neat for his comming, hee that paid all the Officers so bountifully? By this hand he was a most liberal man, and many say understanding.

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Intel. That’s certaine; yet for all his wit he could not easily understand his owne head. Alas! he was intrapt in his policie, and constrained to lay his ambitious necke on the Traytors blocke. On my conscience young Gregory is the most famous man in all England.

Inquis. What, he that had the reversion of his fathers place, the young Soule-sender, hee that fild the Dungmans Cart with Dogges which he had headed, the better to enable him to effect the reall matter; why is he so famous?

Jntell. Ile tell you Sir, if the glorious acts that Hector did, made his conquest the more honourable, and Achilles by slaying him ingrost all his heroicke deeds, why should not yong Brandon be as famous for the death of him that shak’t three Kingdomes?

Inquis. Come, thou art merry: but how scap’t his Compeere the Archbishop of Canterbury? it was thought that he was as deep as the other, it would bee a wonder if hee should come off with as you were, as they doe in the Artillery Garden.

Intell. Truly Sir, I am of your opinion, take my word if ever bee come into his Metropolitan house againe, and sit there his Majesties high Commissioner, discharging the new Canons, he will goe neere to blow up the little Levite that writ Lambeth Faire. But he, good man, being his life was so irregular before has now betaken himselfe to a private lodging, and in a stronger house then that o’re the water; hee is not now much troubled with signing paper Petitions, and referring them to Sir John Lamb, although he keep house continually, and never stures abroad, not to farre as into Saint Georges fields to take the aire.

Inquis. I heard say, he never durst come into those fields since the up-roare at the dissolution of the last Parliament, he was afraid of the Ghost of him hee set upon the Citie gates to keep watch.

Jntell. I cannot tell whether that be the reason or no, but on my conscience I thinke that honourable young Brandon will have the honour to ship his soule into Charons boat for [3] all his father was a Clothier of Reading. As soone as ever this man of Grace was laid in Limbo Patrum, his most deare friend, and the Papists most favourable compounder, and his Majesties Secretary Sir Francis Windebank, with much pruvidence tooke a voyage into France.

Inquis. Then I hope wee shall pay no more Ship-money: that same Sir Francis has been prayd for the wrong way most heartily; the Ship-money was never mentioned, but a devout imprecation was offered up for him, much good doe him with it.

Intell. Alas! he never had hand in it, it was my Lord Finch, the Lord Keeper of England, that dealt with Ship-money, and ’twas done with a most provident eye: for hee knew he should have occasion to use ships before hee died, and so he had: for he went after Mr. Secretary. Ile tell you Sir, hee was so weary with determining controversies upon the Bench, that he resolv’d hereafter to end them with the sword: he became a brother of the blade, and with a tilting feather, a flaunting periwig, Buffe doubler, scarlet hose, and sword as broad as a lath, hee looked as like a Dammee newly come out of the North, as could be imagined; and under that disguise fled most swiftly into France.

Inquis. But under your favour, hee was but a Coward to flye as soone as ever he was accouterd in his marshall habiliments.

Intell. But I think him most valiant: for wisedome was ever held the better part of valour; and none but desperate fooles will run themselves upon certaine, death: and though some such there are, yet he is none of those. I am sure, that valiant men and brave Commanders followed his example, and no worse men then Sir John Sucklin, the discontented Colonell, and his associates.

Inquis. Sir John Sucklin, what hee that writ admired Aglaura? the Blacke Friers Actors have a foule losse of him,

And lest the Players should grow poore,
Send them Aglauros more and more.

What he that gave the King a hundred horse against the Scotch Pedlers? is he fled for Religion too?

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Intell. As sure as he fled from the Pedlers, his coat of Male would not keepe out their Bullets, though it would Sir John Digbies Rapier in the Playhouse,

Inquis. I heard that he was for Portugall, and to that purpose had two or three hundred Cap and Feather men in pay, did he mistake France for Portugall?

Intell. You may see the fortune of the dice, they run what chance they please, Sir John knowes it, but theres a greater man then he gone by faire.

Inquis. None of the other Iudges? Iudge Barkley is not gone, is he?

Intell. No faith, hee’s safe enough, hee’s a most fast and substantiall friend, he and Davenant the Queenes Poet doe keepe their chambers, as if they mourned for the iniquity of the times, but he that I meane is greater then any of these in bulke, tis Doctor Roane.

Inquis. Why if he be gone, how fares the Civill Law, for he was the body of it.

Intell. In good faith Master Inquisitive they droope extreamely, you may walke in the Commons and be offended with no confused noise of the Proctors that prated onely for the tother fee, they will now without grudging take a ten groats fee and thanke you; theyl onely sigh out, O quantum mutatus ab illo — Termino, &c. Their Clarkes, although they are not troubled with much imployment, cannot be at leisure to redeem the gownes which they pawned in Lent Vacation: and Doctors Commons himselfe for feare lest hee should dye intestate, has made his will, and bequeath’d all his goods most equally.

Inquis. Then I may presume that the High Commission is downe; the Papists I know rejoyce at it, they have paid many a fat fine, have they not?

Intell. Faith I thinke that they have rather cause to grieve, for their fines were very easie compositions, but now the Parliament has taken them in hand, and useth them far more ruggedly then the chiefe Commissioner would.

Inquis. If the Parliament has taken them in hand, I prognosticate that they weare Lent in their cheekes, their Ave [5] Maries, Creeds, Paternosters, the dropping of their Beads, their sprinkling themselves with Holy water, will scarce bee of force to entreat the Virgin Mary to command her Son to pitty them they must visit Rome, must they not?

Intell. Or Tyburne, choose them whether, as the ballad saies, they have a very bad time of it now I can assure you.

Inquis. Well, let them be hang’d and they will, thou and I will goe drinke a pint of Canary.

Intell. As I live, I had almost forgot, Canary is now at sixe pence a pint in London.

Inquis. At sixe pence a pint, how comes that to passe?

Intell. This blessed Parliament has pryed into Alderman Abels knavery, and has found his politicke projects out, has made a confusion of his ticket office, and laid him and his brother Kilvert in a house of stone, who shall be made exemplary.

Inquis. Why then honest Jacke Intelligencer I pronounce thee welcome home, weele to the Tayerne and drink pottles in healths to this most happy Parliament.

The Deputy is dead, the Archbishop sure,
(I doe not say to dye) Judge Barkleyes cure,
If any be is casting of his coyne,
Abell and Kilvert too, that did purloine
A penny to ’em from each pint of Sacke,
If money helpe them not, their neckes must cracke;
And witty Davenant, their miseries
To terminate will write their Elegies,
And so he will his owne; they that fled
Int’ other Countries, and so sav’d their heads,
From asore aching cannot merry be,
Whilst thou and I laugh at their misery:
We can be jocound and thinke no man harme,
With joviall Sacke our duller spirits warme.
Away with sorrow, welcome sweet content,
This health Ile drink to’th blessed Parliament.

FINIS.