1974 English Class Reunion

2005 Reunion

Held on 26 August, 2005 at the University and Old Schools Club, 25 Bent St., Sydney.

 

Here are the songs I wrote and sang badly on the night. They are based upon Gilbert and Sullivan's H.M.S. Pinafore, The Pirates of Penzance, and The Mikado.

• The Knox Old Boy Epitome ["The First Lord's Song" from H.M.S. Pinafore]
• The Modern High School Principal ["The Modern Major General" from The Pirates of Penzance]
• Three Little Boys from Knox ["Trio by Yum-Yum, Peep-Bo, and Pitti-Sing" from The Mikado]
  

 

“The Knox Old Boy Epitome”

[based upon Gilbert and Sullivan’s “The First Lord’s Song,” H.M.S. Pinafore].

When I was a lad I served a term
In Turnbull's class I will now affirm
For Shakespeare I had acquired a yen
But Gerald Manley Hopkins was beyond my ken
[Chorus: But Gerald Manley Hopkins was beyond my ken]
I cannot read more than a page fitfully
So now I am the Knox Old Boy epitome

John planted many seeds in fallow ground
Blake's invisible worm was quite profound
Marvell's mistress may have been coy or not
We hadn't any clue and it was soon forgot
[ Chorus: We hadn't any clue and it was soon forgot]
Thank God has disappeared all trace of poetry
So now I am the Knox Old Boy epitome

Like all the lads I joined the cadets
We learned to shoot straight with no regrets
I had my doubts but was told to be true
To traditions of the school and the red, white and blue
[ Chorus: To traditions of the school and the red, white and blue]
When my country calls I'm the first to agree
So now I am the Knox Old Boy epitome

In 5th Form I had to brew my beer
Of its illegality I had no fear
Some drunken sots who shared my jar
They later swore allegiance to the Queen's own Bar
[ Chorus: They later swore allegiance to the Queen's own Bar]
Of my wayward ways they have persuaded me
So now I am the Knox Old Boy epitome

In 6th Form I was without defect
I became the perfect school prefect
I was at the Headmaster's beck and call
And I never thought of thinking for myself at all
[ Chorus: And I never thought of thinking for myself at all]
I thought so little, they rewarded me
By making me the Knox Old Boy epitome

Now, Old Boys all, whoever you may be
If you want to rise to the top of the tree
If your soul isn't fettered to a barroom stool
Be careful to be guided by this golden rule
[Chorus: Be careful to be guided by this golden rule]
Stick close to your school and never go to sea
And you'll soon be the Knox Old Boy epitome

 

"The Modern High School Principal" (John Turnbull)

[based upon Gilbert and Sullivan, “The Modern Major General”, The Pirates of Penzance]

 

(The HIGH SCHOOL PRINCIPAL has entered unnoticed and drunk, and introduces himself.)

 

PRINC. Yes, yes, I am a High School Principal!

SAM. For he is a High School Principal!

ALL. He is! Hurrah for the High School Principal!

PRINC. And it is, it is a glorious thing
To be a High School Principal!

ALL. It is! Hurrah for the High School Principal!

 

SONG. – THE MODERN HIGH SCHOOL PRINCIPAL

PRINC.

I am the very model of a modern High School Principal,
I’ve information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
From Gallipoli to Ypres, in order categorical.
I’m very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
My spread sheets can depict with truth what parents plan to give next year–
So I can spend all monies raised, and stock the school with modern gear.

ALL. So he can spend all monies raised, and stock the school with modern gear.

PRINC.

I’m very good at integral and differential calculus;
I know the scientific names of donors all anonymous:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern High School Principal.

ALL. In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
He is the very model of a modern High School Principal.

PRINC.

I know our mythic history, Gough Whitlam’s and Elizabeth’s;
I voted Labor annually, until I grasped its shibboleths.
I parse all Chaucer’s verses and read poets metaphysical;
The sonnets of Will Shakespeare are my lessons very typical.
I know a noun from pronoun, and a verb from the adverbial,
A consonantal fricative is clearly not a labial,
I can punctuate a sentence with marks which are declaratory,
But I cannot tell their essays from the paper in the lavatory.

ALL. But he cannot tell their essays from the paper in the lavatory.

PRINC.

I can write a grant proposal in bureaucratic legalese,
And tell you every detail of its tax deductibilitese:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern High School Principal.

ALL. In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
He is the very model of a modern High School Principal.

PRINC.

When I know what they mean by race and gender inequality,
When I can raise a million from the OKG fraternity,
When such affairs as Old Boys Do’s and benefits I’m cogniscent,
And when I know exactly how each dollar raised has been misspent;
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern schoolery,
When I know more of teaching than a novice in a nunnery;
In short, when I’ve a smattering of basic pedagogery,
You’ll say a better High School Principal has never been to buggery.

ALL. You’ll say a better High School Principal has never been to buggery.

PRINC.

For my academic knowledge, though I’m plucky and adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern High School Principal.

ALL. But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
He is the very model of a modern High School Principal.

PRINC.

And now that I’ve introduced myself, I should like to have some idea of what the fuck is going on.

 

"Three Little Boys from Knox"

[based upon Gilbert and Sullivan, Trio by Yum-Yum, Peep-Bo, and Pitti-Sing, The Mikado]

 

(OKG1, OKG2, and OKG3, with CHORUS OF BOYS.)

THE THREE.

Three little boys from school are we,
Smart as a school-boy well can be,
Filled to the brim with boy-ish glee,
Three little boys from school!

OKG1 Everything is a source of fun. (Chuckle.)
OKG2 Nobody's safe, for we care for none! (Chuckle.)
OKG3 Life is a joke that's just begun! (Chuckle.)

THE THREE.

Three little boys from school!

CHORUS

Three little boys who, all unwary,
Come from Turnbull’s seminary,
Freed from his genius tutelary--
Three little boys from school!

OKG1

One little boy as a lawyer trains
This puzzles John as he had no brains
But a partnership he soon retains
Three little boys from school!

OKG2

One little boy becomes a doctor
Just like his Dad he seeks to prosper
John just hopes his health won’t falter
Three little boys from school

OKG3

One little boy gets a PhD
Adds a small leaf to the knowledge tree
A pity it wasn’t in poetry
Three little boys from school

CHORUS

Three little boys who, all unwary,
Come from Turnbull’s seminary,
Freed from his genius tutelary--
Three little boys from school!