[1]

L. COLONEL IOHN LILBVRNE. His letter to his dearely beloved wife

Mrs. ELISABETH LILBVRNE,

March 1652.

Expressing the just reasons & grounds which have inforced him for the preservation of his deare LIFE, & more deare reputation; to apologize for himselfe unto the Netherlanders, by laying open the true state of his late Fine & Bannishment Eternal from his Native Countrie.

Whose adorneing, let it not be that outward of plateing the haire, & of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparell, but the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, of a meeke & quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time, the holy women also who trusted in God adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their owne husbands, even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, whose daughters ye are, as long as ye doe well, and are not afraid, with any amazement. 1. Peter. 3. 3, 4, 5, 6.

MY DEAREST HEART;

Thine of the 21 of February last, I yesterday received; which is all the letters I have had from thee or any of my friends (since I left England ) in answer to anie of those scores of letters I have writ, And at the reading of thy said letter, I must confess unto thee, my spirit for some houers was not a little troubled, at some expressions therein, but recollecting my thoughts & seriously considering with my selfe, that it is never a fit time for me to fret against God, much less when sorrowes & afflictions are multipled upon me, but much more rather then, then at all other times, sweetly & patiently to see his fatherly & loveing chastiseing hand, in all his seeming frownes & outward tokens of his seemeing displeasure; & with meekenes & quietnes of spirit to stoop unto it, knowing verie well, that although from man I have not deserved in the least what is come upon mee; YET FROM GOD, by reason of those heart-errings & strayings of spirit, that hee in the strict eye of his Justice may behold in me, poor imperfect, fraile & weake man; I have deserved TEN-THOVSAND-TIMES more from him then has befallen me; yet by it, I hope in his owne due time, he will bring aboundance of glory to himselfe & cause a great deale of refinednes of spirit to accrue to me thereby. So that I shall have just cause administred from my good God to say unto him, as righteous & holy Job said of him; Hee knoweth the way that I take when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold, Iob. 23. 10. & if it be his pleasure to let this cross I am under to lie upon me, for the tryall of my faith & patience & sonne-like dependance upon him, his Good will & pleasure be done, for I must confess, should I after so much experience of his endeared & fatherly dealeing with me in sixe & seven former troubles, now faint in the day of my causeles daversitie (in reference to the spitefull earthly authours thereof) let it be never so high & great I should undoubtedly conclude against my selfe, with the wise Man in Proverbes the 24. & 10. that my strength were verie small.

And were I to speake unto thee, in the language of a mere rationall Man; and had I no interest at all, in the sweet & spirituall enjoyments of a divine communion with [2] God, to support & uphold my heart & spirit; yet in my opinion, I or any other person, is not worthy the name of a MAN INDEED, that is not so morally honest & just in his waies, that thereby he is inabled upon serious consideration with himselfe, to live aboue all earthly feares whatsoever & not to pine or storme, or spend the vitalls of his spirit, by fretting & chafeing at that which is beyond his power to helpe. But I must confess, thou art but a Woman & in that respect but the weaker vessel & therefore, I must rationaly allow thee the more graines of IMPERFECTION & WEAKENES & the rather at this time, because of thy being with child, which of it selfe alone without more sorrowes added thereunto, is many times to many Woemen, a burthen thorough paine great enough for them to beare.

But MY DEAREST LOVE, after this premised, let me rationally & in coole bloud expostulate a little with thee about thy letter; of which yet I am resolved to make the best interpretation that can possibly be made of it; for true love covers a multitude of infirmities.

And in the first place, thou sayest, comeing to LONDON from THEOBALDS about thy occasions, thou didst heare the Councel of State had heard from me & that I was very busie lookeing after a printing press, & that I spared not to speake my mind freely of the Parliament, the heareing of which with reading what thou hadst red in my letters (the date of which thou namest not) is no small addition of sorrow thou saiest to thy troubled state. & then; thou tellest me, that as yet they have not medled in Seazeing of mine Estate. & one askeing Sir ARTHVR HASILRIGE what he intended to doe about the fine the Parliament-house allotted me to pay unto him, he answered he would keepe the power in his owne hands & thou shouldst fare, thereafter as I behaved my selfe. & then thou fallest into a little harsh expostulateing with me & tellest me, thou knowest thy miserie & wellfare lies more in me then in them, & dost querie whether for easeing of my stomack, I will expose my poore children to beg; & biddest me, not for ever to be thy prosecutor, &c. And then in the post-script or addition to thy letter, thou namest me a friend of thine that was with the GENERALL & dined with him, where Sir ARTHVR HASILRIGE also dined, & the GENERAL told thy friend, I should not be three moneths in the condition that I am in & that Sir ARTHVR HASILRIGE said if I would be quiet, he would meddle with nothing that I had left thee, & thou sayest the relation of this to thee, was a great refreshment to thy spirit & then injoynest me either to be quiet, or else never write a line more unto thee.

Now my DEAREST JOY! calmely I beseech thee with patience, judgement, understanding & the affection of a wife that hath a faithfull & loveing husband, though wrapt up in manie afflictions & peirceing outward tryalls, read my Answer or Apologie with seriousnes & deliberation & lay it not behind thy back, through the tediousnes of it, before thou hast red it.

And therfore in the first place I must deale truly with thee and tell thee; that though thou & my sweete babes are as deare & precious to me as any such relations are to any man upon, the earth: Yet I must trulie say & in reason averr it, that my owne personall selfe, or my owne personall being, is neerer & dearer to my individuall selfe ( & so ought to be in reason & Iustice esteemed, according to that speech in Iob Skin for Skin & all a man has will he give for his life ) then either thee or my children divided or conjoined. But yet besides that, give me leave to aver that there is something else more valued by me then either [3] thee, or my deare infants, nay or then my owne life; & thar is first my reputation, as a Christian & an honest & just man.

And secondly my inward peace with God & mine owne conscience. And that mine owne life & the preservation of it ought in Reason, Iustice & Conscience, by me to be preferred before the preserving both thee & my children from begging, if it were possible for thee or me to imagine (forgetting what the prophet Daved saies Never saw I the righteous forsaken nor his seed begging their bread ) or fancy such a thing could ever come to pass. I confess, thou maist be exposed to learne to want as well as thou hast learnt to abound. and, if thou doest; transcendently better, then either thee or I, have done it before us, Ac. 20. 34. 1 Cor. 4. 11, 12, 13. 1 Thessal. 2, 9. 2 Thessal. 3, 8. & Heb. 11. Yea our Lord & Master Christ could say of himselfe, the foxes have holes & the birds of the aire have nests, but the Sonne of man hath not where to lay his head. Yea & for my part, I must deale freely with thee, I thinke it is one of the happyest & blessedest conditions in the world to be in such a frame of spirit. and yet he that is not so, is so far from the height of a true Christian, that he is below the temper of manie considerate heathens. And; as for greatnes or garishnes in the world, at the best, rightly considered, what is it worth? or what soule-satisfaction, is to be had in it? I am sure of it, in the day of the frownes of God, or in the ecclipseings of the bright shineing of the beames of his glorie, it is no better a solace or cover, then Jonahs Gourd or a spiders webb. and honest & precious Paul had learn’t to say, haveing food & raiment, let us bee therewith content. But to come more closer. the Parliament or rather the secret & somewhat open contrivance of the Lord Generall Cromwell, hath bannished me without ground, or the least colour or shadow in Law, into a strange Countrie where by some of the Magistrates thereof I am imagined to be one of the Parliaments spies & by some of the mad or ranting crue of the Cavaliers (for being formerly a zelot for the Parliament) I have bin really sought for, & enquired after by them as a traitor & rogue. Now the single question between me & thee, lies heere; whether my Life is not rationally to be thought hereby to be in some danger. Which I am sure it is, especially if warrs should arise betwixt this people & England. and if so; the next question is, whether I am more bound in duty & conscience before God and man, to run the apparent hazard of mine owne personall ruine & totall & final destruction & annihilation by being quiet & sitting still, as thou callest it & wouldst have me, & thereby probably preserve a little estate for thee & my children to farewell & goe a little in the fashion of the world: or in writeing & printing for mine owne defence & thereby rationally endeavouring to preserve my life, which both the Law of God, Nature, & Humanitie, ties me to use all just meanes to doe: although thereby I run the apparent hazard of exposeing thee & my children by the lawles & arbitrary wills of some great-men to be robbed of mine estate, in the looseing of which, you are all probably exposed to a great deale of sorrowes & wants. Now this being really and without dissimulation or straines of witt my case. I refer it to thy selfe with thine owne choicest-freinds to judge of my condition; only adding this, that I must truly confess unto thee, should I in the least believe, thou as my wife, only lovest me to enjoy an estate by me, for thy more handsome & plentyfull liveing in the world; I should as little value such a love or the roote from whence it springs, as by thy letter, I may too groundedly without straineing it, imagine thou valuest my preservation.

But secondly; there is a thing in the world more valued by me then my life, & that is my reputation amongst men, but especially as I am a Chrictian & profess the feare & [4] dread of Iehovah; the preservation of the reputation of which I am to maintaine with all tendernes & earnestnes, by all the obligations, that can lie upon a man of conscience & honestie. And to evince this, first as I am a man, the wisest of men Ecclesiastes 7, 1. Saith by the spirit of God, A good name is better then precious ointment. & saith the Apostle Peter to the Saints to whom he writt his Epistles let none of you suffer as a murtherer or as a theife, or as an evill doer 1 Peter 4. 15. and shall it not be presumed, that I doe now heere in the eyes of the strangers amongst whom I live, suffer as the highest of evill doers, whilest I sit still in silence, being fined seven thousand pound & bannished for ever out of my native Countrie, by my owne pretended freinds & partie the Parliament of England, who are commonly reputed, or at least would be judged & esteemed to be a wise, judicious & honest just people; who in common charity by all men, that know not the bottome of things, may be presumed would abhorre & detest to deale so severely with any man, especially one of their owne partie, as they have done with me, but for some notorious transcendent wickednes or crime, & though thou & many hundreds more in England (as thou saiest) verie well know the grounds of my bannishment as well as I can declare them, yet shall I not here be presumed while I remaine in silence (& it may be, bee strongly judged, by all strangers amongst whom now I live (& whom I must for mine owne safety & well-being endeavour to satisfie, please & content as well as I must doe thee) to bee so base & transcendently unworthie a fellow, that I am not fit to be converst with, but to be hist & kickt out of all honest ingenuous & civil mens companie; nay, may not the Magistrates here rationally upon the presumption of the premises, justly conclude & say against me, seeing the Parliament the Governours of England have judged him unfit to breath in that aire where he received his first breath, why should we suffer such a base unworthy fellow, so used by his owne freinds & Countreymen, to breath in our ayre? nay, thereupon may they not much more rather then the Parliament, upon purer grounds of equitie & of reason bannish me from hence, as a most wicked and pestilent fellow, that is able to corrupt with basenes & wickednes any place whereever hee comes and abides and I pray thee, if such a thing through my silence should happen unto me, send me word where you imagine, in safety, I can next set my foote. But how ever, whether this last thing should ever happen or no, may I not justly blush to come into any ingenuous mans Companie, or to walke the streets where I am knowne, whilest by my silence I lie under the odium of such a severe sentence as I doe. & shall I be tied for ever to the spending my breath without end in declaring the ground of my bannishment? & may I not whilest I remaine in silence be judged by those, to whom in private I give a narrative of it unto, to imagine & thinke, that that is false & vntrue which I say unto them? or if it were not, I would not be wanting to publish to the view of the world, the grounds of that which in private I say is so unjustly, illegally & unrighteously decreed against & inflicted upon me Nay doe I not by my continued silence, lay open the profession & feare & name of that God, that I have endeavoured to hold forth unto the world to reproch; which is a sinn so much complained of in Scripture & dehorted from, by the Spirit of God. The contrarie of which evill, with all tendernes & hazard, ought to be zealously endeavoured, by all the redeemed ones of the Lambe of God. Nay; doe I not absolutely by my silence, not only forfeit my good name as a man, but as a Christian; then the giveing of just grounds to doe either of which, I had rather, if it were possible, an hundred times over perish & be destroyed. & this I know, would be abundantly more rejoyceing to my adversaries, then the enjoyment [5] of hundreds of such estates as mine is. And therfore patiently beare with me I pray thee in printing my condition.

But, lastly; my inward peace & tranquillitie of mind, with God the cheifest fountaine of comfort & my owne Conscience compels me to it. For alas, to Justifie the wicked, in the sight of God is as abominable, as to condemne the righteous. And should I be silent, after the plucking up all the Lawes & Liberties of England by the rootes, as in my Sentence they are, nay razeing & Levelling of all the foundations of Libertie & Propritie in the English Nation, by arbitrary will & tyranny, & that after the solemnest printed & published declarations to the contrary, that ever were made by men professing Christianity: I should tacitly be the justifier, of the highest treacherous wickednes, that ever was acted (I thinke) by men professing the feare of God or common Honestie. And should I doe this, how could I with comfort looke God in the face, or appeare before him, to lift up my supplications to him: if I should by my silence approve & justifie, that evill in my Sentence committed against me & all the Lawes & liberties of the people of England, as deepely in some sense concerned in it, as my selfe. For, alas! by my president what man in the Nation of England, can call his Estate, his wife, his children, nay his life his owne? for by the same rule, & that with as much shew & colour of justice, as by their arbitrarie way they have voted-away my estate & bannished me, might they as justly have taken away my life & my childrens also, and so have extinguished me & my posteritie from of the Earth. Which I am verie confident they would have done at the same time, if they had durst, for feare of raiseing to themselves a greater inconvenience, then my life could be imagined would be to them.

Nay; have I not bin in the feild & shed or helpt to shed the blood of my Countreymen, for the Liberties & freedomes of my Nation; & shall I after that, at once by my silence, be consenting to the grubbing them all up by the rootes? & burying them in the grave? O! Should I follow thy advice & counsell, I might justly feare, that that blood, which I have shed or caused to be shed in the feild for Englands Liberties, might dog me at the heeles & gnaw me at the verie Conscience, that I should never rest, night nor day in peace or quietnes, either sleepeing or wakeing. And therefore, I must speake & leave the issue to God. And it is impossibie I should hold my peace, though I should immediately perish therefore.

O! my dearest; thou knowest, & I appeale to thine owne Conscience, whether I have not studied & laboured with all industrie, ever since God miraculously wrought that glorious deliverance for me at Guild-hall & thereby gave me my life for a prey, to keepe out of their clutches; & to give the Generall nor the Parliament, no provocations to fall upon me. as for instance, when by a cleare & faire vote, I was legally chosen by the people a common-counsel-men in London; did I not take it patiently & sit downe in silence, although the Parliament arbitrarily voted me out of it. And, when after that, I had a desire to studie the Law & entred my name at the Temple, & paid my money & was diened by the Parliaments Attorney-generall to be admitted unto that common English right, did I not sit downe without Struggleing for satisfaction for that Injurie done? Did I meddle with Hasilrig, till he struck at the verie rootes of my whole Family, to extirpate them from the Earth, & so in their Countrie demeane himselfe towards them & their relations, that rationally I would not give sixe-pence a Yeare, for as much Land there, as my little Estate is worth. Did I not, I appeale to thine owne knowledge, demeane my selfe with all faire & industrious care & respect to [6] the Generall, though now he was the principal man to send me packing. I pray thee consider all these things seriously, & the Lord give thee wisedome and understanding & a willingnes with patience, to suffer that which the most high shall permit wicked and cruell men to inflict upon me or thee. And for thy estate, if they want it & will have it, let it goe cheerfully; for I am confident, it will be a choakepeare to them, when God will be a portion of fullnes & of joy & rejoyceing unto thee & me, if thou canst stay but thy heart upon him. And as for thy being refreshed at Hasilrigs words, about letting thee alone with my estate, according to my demeanour:

Alas poore guilty man! he will not find a Schoolboy of me, to be kept in awe by a rod or a ferula; and I must truly tell thee I had rather be without an estate, then to enjoy one, onely at his will & pleasure.

And as for that other expression of the Generall, who said if I were quiet, I should not be three moneths in my present condition. I confess I know not what it meanes, unless by that time he intends, I shall be in a worse condition then I am. for it was hee & hee alone in the House, that 2. or 3. daies after the 20. of Januarie last (when my honest & true freinds in London, had delivered that day their petition, for the revokeing of my sentence) that told the speaker openly in the House, that upon his Conscience, the sentence which the Parliament had lately passed against me, was as just a sentence, as ever that House passed in their lives. And therefore let him with good words deceive thee & thy credulous freinds, for he shall never cozen me againe. I know him now too well, to be implacable & never heartily to be reconciled, where he takes a thorow grudge, and though he give never so many faire words, & pass never so many solemne promises to the contrarie.

And I appeale to thee, what safetie for my life, I could have, were I againe in England, where his single wil is a Law. might he not? were I theere, watch his opportunitie, when he is little faster rivetted in his unlimited & a thousand times more then kingly power, and somewhat more freed from his feares of forreigne Nations, that peradventure are upon him; as easily & as justly, arbitrarily take away my life, as he hath arbitrarily bannished me & fined me seven thousand pounds. For indeed & in truth the House of Parliament may beare the name of things, but in reality, it is but his screene, he himselfe alone as to man, being the Alpha & Omega of all there cheife results. And it may be in pettie things, he may give them leave to use the people as they please; so they will without kicking or preating, let him doe with them in all great affaires, what he list.

My sweetest love! Canst thou rationally, or any that really wisheth me well, so much as imagine, that my life were I againe in England, (or the life of any man now there, whom the Generall inwardly hates,) can be in any proportion of securitie, till the sitting of a new Parliament, which he hath so often & solemnly promised to the Nation, but never intends to performe it; or that they ever shall enjoy it, but shall be eternallie ruled by a standing power unaccountable either to God or man, molded, framed & culled in a manner, wholly according to his pleasure, till the peoples backs be as goods as broken with the weight thereof. And therefore, as a man that for a longer time, then thy expected season, have in mine owne thoughts bid adeiu to England, & to all that outward tranquilitie & content, that thou & I not manie moneths agoe promised unto our selves, under our owne vines to enjoy in peace, & for all the rest of thine affaires conteined in thy letter, I leave all whollie to thy selfe, to doe what thou wilt & how thou pleasest. Haveing [7] allreadie in divers former letters writ my nimd so fully & largely unto thee, that I hope, before thou seest this, thou wilt not be to seeke, what to doe with thine affaires, nor with those persons mentioned in thy Letters, who I hope, for all thy hard thoughts, will deale honestly with thee. But if thou art to seeke in thy busynes, blame thine owne selfe, for sending me only one letter in 5. or 6. weekes after my departure from thee. Although I left thee full directions, where & how, constantly to send to me, while I was with thee. But the entercourse of letters, thou desirest to cut of; so that I am forced, to send this printed, into England; where I hope some of my friends will get it reprinted for me, & then send a Copie of it to thee. After which thou maist expect my Apologie printed in Dutch & English; the which, if the Printers had not bin verie slow & dull, had bin with thee, ere this. So with my truest & sincerest love presented to thee, with my heartyest & serventest prayers to God, for thee & my sweet babes, I commit thee to the protection of the Lord Iehovah my strong defence & rest,

Thine owne Heart

John Lilbvrne.

From my Lodgeing in the Holyway street in Amsterdam, this 4. of March old or English style, being the 14. of March new or Dutch-style in the yeare of Christ 1652.

Post-script.

My deare, being tied up by thy selfe as it were, from sending any more written letters unto thee: haveing a vacancy here, to fill up the sheet: I cannot but earnestly intreat thee, very seriusly to cast thyne eye upon thine & my brother the Colonels petitions for me to the Parliament, recorded at the latter end of the printed booke of my late tryall at Guil-hall: & there thou shalt find, how great a mercy it would have bin esteemed by thee, that then they would have spared my life & have exposed me to that condition that now I am in, which then thou wouldest have taken for a singular mercie & favour. But thou hadst then full experience by their dealeing with thee, of the truth of that sayeing, The tender mercies of the wicked are crueltie. And why thou shouldst now be so much troubled as by thy letter I perceive thou art. I doe no know considering, that my life in probability is now out of their danger. I profess unto the before God, the world & mine owne conscience, that although I doe as much sympathize with thee & thy afflicted condition (especially considering it hath bin for so many yeares & so full if bitternes, dangers & hazards to thee, in thy faithfull endeavours for my preservation all along) as its possible for any man in the world to be towards his nighest & dearest relations: yet give me leave in faithfullnes & truth to averr unto thee, that it is impossible to the utmost of my understanding, for me to doe or say more unto thee for thy supportation in thy condition, & to maintaine mine owne inward peace & commerce with God, then I have allready done. & therefore shall I trouble thee in print to read some of those lines, that in letters I have sent unto thee since my sentence of bannishment was passed upon me. The coppie of the first of which thus followes.

[8]

For my faithfull deare & lovenig wife Mrs. ELISABETH LILBVRNE.

Army house at Theobalds, these deliver.

My dearest & truest love;

May the sweetest smiles of the Almighty in the face of Jesus Christ, be apprehended by thee & enjoyed in thee, to the sweet refreshment of thy heart & spirit, as, I bless God, they are to mine at this present time, in abundant manner, & may the protection of the Almightie the glorious support of him that rules in heaven & earth, bee (especially at this time) handed out unto thee; to the cheereing of thy precious soule & the aboundant support of thy droopeing spirit. Nay, may all those glorious comforts & unspeakeable joyes & rejoyceings, that either thy soule or mine hath bin wrapped up in, in the day of our greatest adversities, bee a fresh in a plentifull manner powred out into thine heart & into thy spirit, to the stedfast staying of thy soule upon the Lord Jehovah (our rock & defence) without amazement of heart, troublednes of mind or perplexitie of spirit: as, I bless his holy & glorious name, mine is; with aboundance of inward tranquillitie of mind, that keepes my soule in a sweet frame & temper of quiet peace & rest, the tideings of which from thee my dearest love, would more refresh my heart & spirit, then the enjoyment of all the delights in the world, besides thy selfe. O my dearest selfe, I begg of thee as the greatest boon thou canst afford me, that all that froward passion & foolish heat & distemper that at any time thou hast seene in me, may for ever be buried in the grave of forgetfullnes & the fresh heart burneings of that tender love of thine, wherewith at first thou lovedst me, when thou madest mee the cheifest object on earth of thy delight, be afresh revived in thy soule towards me. & then my present bannishment, yesterday decreed by Parliament against me, will be less then a fleabiteing unto me. So, longing to see thee here at London this night, with this bearer thy endeared true friend and mine whom I have on purpose sent unto thee, to bring thee unto me, I commit thee to the sweet protection of my endearedest father, that liveth and abideth sensibly and plentifully in my soule & rest,

From London
Januar 16. 1652.

Thy owne indeared heart

John Lilburne.

The Copie of my second letter unto thee, Thus followeth.

My sweetest Love,

In my present condition I bless God, I have no trouble nor perplexitie at all, but only that thou art troubled and how to revive or refresh thee my dearest, I know no meanes more direct, then to importune the Lord of life & glorie to doe it for thee and therfore may the fresh and sweetest smiles of his heart-cheereing countenance fully and plentifully shine upon thy soule, to the stable staying of thy heart and spirit upon him alone, and to the cleare inableing thee to see a greater excellency, glorie, beautie and fullnes in himselfe, then in husband, children, or other relations, or any of the dunghill delights of riches, or any outward worldly contents whatsoever. Which shall be the continuall prayer, of thy most indeared and faithfull husband,

From my imprisonment under the Sergeant
at Armes his Deputy, this 19 of January 1652.

John Lilburne.